Victims & Abusers - Judgements & Blame in Relationships and in Society


blame and judgement attitudes can result in loss of personal power

The Blaming Game we need quite so many judgements?



Zen masters say  "Don't seek the truth  -  Just drop your opinions!"    


    Blaming  YOU, blaming ME...
    Endless assigning of responsibility...

Feeds my illusions - Gives sense of control
At least now I know why my life's in a hole!
And negative feelings have somewhere to go...
Expressions of rage about life's bitter blow.

Feelings with targets can flow with such ease
What matter if reason is brought to its knees?
Nothing can happen without someone at fault
Giving me permission to give them a "jolt".

Oh how I love my blaming game!
Take on my judgement! - Hang head in shame!
I rise superior - Moral high ground is mine!
Others feel terrible - but I feel quite fine!

For I never make mistakes - I am never wrong
And I like to press advantage - It makes me feel strong!
Much better this, than face that awful truth...
that life is chaotic and can even be uncouth
That rough goes with smooth and sorrow with joy,
Winning goes with losing - like girl goes with boy

When I rise to accept what life and destiny bring...
I leave judgements to God and focus just on BEING
I free-up the present - for doing creative things
I free up the guilty - to unwind their own heart strings

I create a richer future - Free from curs-ed blaming games
For without judgemental conflicts - consequences still remain
Everyone is responsible - We reap what we have sown!
If I deal you a wrong one - my future I have blown.

When I rise to accept what a challenging life can bring
Leaving judgements to God - Focussing just on BEING
I free-up my future from the curse of 'blaming games'
I free-up my present by NOT 'naming names'
My feelings stay PURE, GRACIOUS, DIVINE
Supporters draw near - And I'm soon feeling fine!

from  © Michael Meredith 2000

Taking responsibility for our errors and omissions is vital to the learning and growing which frees us from repeated cycles of stressful experiences - as the saying goes "Those who do not learn from the past are destined to repeat it!"
Inappropriate or excessive blaming of others gives away our personal power and sense of control to those who we tell ourselves are "responsible - guilty". We cannot solve stressful situations unless we give ourselves some personal power and influence (responsibility) over them.

Excessive blaming of ourselves - "Beating myself up" or self-harming can also be counter-productive. Inappropriate or excess self-blame generates internal conflict, inner fragmentation and a lowering of our energy and self-confidence just when we have a difficult setback or situation to deal with. Beating ourself up can lead into patterns of self-sabotage and even self-harm. "Survivor guilt" is an aspect of self-punishment which can follow from irrational self-blame behaviour.


cognitive emotional and relationships psychology of blame,  blaming and disempowerment


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