Toxic shame & Low self-esteem
 
...symptoms of emotional wounds

They said  "It's true!"  so it must be so.
I was just a kid,
so how could I know?

That I am worthless,
steeped in shame,
despicable wretch
and full of blame.

Didn't do things right,
didn't do as told
was far too independent
and far too bold.

I needed to learn
and not to yearn
accept 'their' truth
not trust my youth.

Adults' rules
were treasured jewels
If they didn't feel right
that was me "not bright".

If I bucked the trend
then my ways must mend.
Inappropriate desire?
I become cheat and liar.

It was black and white
and all very simple...
Learn right from wrong
or be an ugly pimple

Feeling, needs, instinct
must be repressed
- replaced with guilt
if I want to be blessed.

Unacceptable behaviour
(whatever the flavour)
means I am bad,
sick, loathsome or mad.

So now I'm screwed up,
incompetent, inefficient,
inner conflicts
self-doubt, perdition

blocks, indecision,
chronic anxiety
constant worry
undue sobriety

Trouble sleeping,
lack of brightness,
rarely playful,
muscular tightness

Over-controlling
(lots of worries)
fearful consequences
leads to "hurries"

It's a dismal tale
but all's not lost.
Self-discipline gained,
though at a cost

Now's time for healing, love and joy
- time to let go that conditioning cloy*!

That Sunflower Within

Beauty  in  Wholeness