The Stalker!
 

He stalks my dreams 
Cold and ruthless
Silent as night
Seething with power
Itching for fight

I wake in a sweat,
trembling, afraid
What if he attacks?
Does he carry a blade?

In my dreams I placate him
or hang, frozen with fear
My heart starts a-pounding
as this demon draws near...

for I am but jelly,
vulnerable, small
If it comes to a fight
he'll be 'Winner takes takes all'

In the lonely small hours
as my nightmare unfolds
he reminds me of terrors
that daylight soon holds...

For he is the taxman
and bailiffs I fear
Stern hard-nosed banker
who says "Hey you! Come here!"

Their letters are threatening,
cold and hard-hearted...
'bad debtor', court order,
"Off to prison you'll be carted!"

My timid heart sinks
as these letters arrive.
Even clatter of letterbox
starts a buzzing in my hive

Some I can't open...
- they lie in a pile
Today I can't face them
- and must force a smile

'Cos I'm spiralling down
as debt misery grows,
with very little food
and no money for clothes

But debt is my teacher
and his lessons come tough
He just does not hear
when I cry out "Enough!"

My master is pitiless
- just can't be appeased!
His lessons must be learned
His opportunities seized

So I trudge, heavy-hearted,
and shaking with fear
to the offices of power
where my failings are clear

I feel quite pathetic
- broken and cowed
A shadow of the man
who once held head proud

Proud to be independent
Paying my way!
Even 'putting aside'
for a far off wet day

My reception is strange,
- indeed quite a shock!
People are nice..
I have to take stock!

To them it's not personal - just a routine
Where's that hard-hearted ogre
of their mailings and my dream?

Was it just a projection,
- powered by fear?
A childhood reflection
of a parent austere?

For a practical matter,
of cash-flow and earning
has become heavy cloak
of fear and despairing

My low self-esteem,
insecurity and such,
has multiplied worries
and crippled me much

Fear is exhausting
and narrows my mind
No wonder solutions
had been hard to find!

My teacher has taught me
(though he was quite a bastard!)
that debt is not 'personal'
and imaginings can be mastered

The universe supports me
Even when grim
and childhood perceptions
best laid in the bin

(from  www.stress-counselling.co.uk  © Michael Meredith 2002)