When we have been hurt it is sometimes human nature to respond with a self-protective, aggressive reaction. If we feel that a person or group of people has harmed us, we may despise them and feel hatred towards them, maybe wish to hurt or even damage them in return. Our hatred can be very self-sabotaging of our health, wealth, relationships and wellbeing.
|Nice people simply do not hate|
self-righteous at superhuman rate
they're totally good and therefore safe
..Just need enemies to project on!
Good and Bad must co-exist
With mind's eye shut to manure within
Better still, now evil's "out there"
What else to do? What have I lost?
I cultivate hate when I project on others
But wait, what's this? A seed of doubt?
Can I give you the benefit of the doubt?
Frustration's bad and makes me mad
Can I own and therefore tame
"Better to eat vegetables with people you love than to eat the finest meat where there is hate"
Almost without exception, the teenage years are tumultuous for both girls and their mothers. Teenager girls, who are socialized to stifle their anger and avoid confrontation, frequently take out their frustration on their mothers as the only safe and available targets. The good news is that with patience and the right guidance, mothers can transform the teenage years into positive ones and enrich the mother-daughter relationship. "I'm Not Mad, I Just Hate You!" combines the expertise of a clinical psychologist (who has worked with women and adolescent girls for more than 20 years) with that of a senior editor at a leading teen magazine.
This book demonstrates how mother-daughter friction during adolescence, managed creatively, empowers girls by teaching them invaluable skills and can even foster intimacy. Discussion of social, emotional, cultural, and psychological issues is interwoven with the voices of mothers and daughters in case studies that are illuminating and reassuring. In the wake of widely popular books exposing the perils adolescent girls face, "I'm Not Mad, I Just Hate You!" provides mothers with much-needed practical strategies to help their daughters grow into emotionally healthy and capable adults. At the same time, women will encourage loving and lifelong connections with their daughters.
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Our feelings of hate are often 'forbidden' - i.e. incompatible with our self-image. If we are unable to confront and transform our malicious feelings, we repress or disown them. Feelings that are disowned in this way seem to go away, but actually they lurk in our subconscious and become attached (experienced) in our perceptions and analyses of others. Psychologists call this "projection". Projecting our disowned feelings onto others results in "demonisation" - seeing people as (even) worse than they are. We then attack the demons we have created and a vicious cycle may be set up of attack and counter-attack (warfare), involving escalating levels of projection on both sides.
CONFLICT & HATE
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