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When we have been hurt it is sometimes human nature to respond with a self-protective, aggressive reaction. If we feel that a person or group of people has harmed us, we may despise them and feel hatred towards them, maybe wish to hurt or even damage them in return.

Living with Hate!

Nice people simply do not hate
self-righteous at superhuman rate
they're totally good and therefore safe
- they just need enemies to project on

Good and Bad must co-exist
but not in me - I must resist
all evil thoughts and cruel intentions
I'd much rather project them!

With mind's eye shut to manure within
I'm free from guilt and thoughts of sin
But I read forbidden thoughts in another's eyes
and in their words see my own deceit and lies..
I'm really good at projection!

Better still, now evil's "out there"
I can wage cruel war without a care
My hate is just , my cruelty self-righteous
What a wonderful gift is projection!

What else to do? What have I lost?
Peace of mind? - What a small cost!
Relationship treasures I will never reap?
Well, I'm not entirely sure about projection...

I cultivate hate when I project on others
Their hate and mine - co-nourishing mothers
Heartless projected motives - now my masters not my brothers
Wish I could control my projections...

But wait, what's this? A seed of doubt?
Do I really know what you are thinking about?
Perhaps your motive's not entirely uncertain?
Can I ever choose ignorance over projection?

Can I give you the benefit of the doubt?
Resist that seductive urge - "lash out!"
Can I ever see your fear, desperation?
Can I experience my rage, hate, frustration?

Frustration's bad and makes me mad
But hasty words do leave me sad
If I could breathe my pain away
I might feast on love for many a day!

Can I own and therefore tame
My "evil thoughts" projection game
Can my rage become determination?
Is hate a wound that cries for healing?

"Better to eat vegetables with people you love than to eat the finest meat where there is hate"
Proverbs 15:17

Almost without exception, the teenage years are tumultuous for both girls and their mothers. Teenager girls, who are socialized to stifle their anger and avoid confrontation, frequently take out their frustration on their mothers as the only safe and available targets. The good news is that with patience and the right guidance, mothers can transform the teenage years into positive ones and enrich the mother- daughter relationship. "I'm Not Mad, I Just Hate You!" combines the expertise of a clinical psychologist (who has worked with women and adolescent girls for more than twenty years) with that of a senior editor at a leading teen magazine. The book demonstrates how mother-daughter friction during adolescence, managed creatively, empowers girls by teaching them invaluable skills and can even foster intimacy. Discussion of social, emotional, cultural, and psychological issues is interwoven with the voices of mothers and daughters in case studies that are illuminating and reassuring. In the wake of widely popular books exposing the perils adolescent girls face, "I'm Not Mad, I Just Hate You!" provides mothers with much-needed practical strategies to help their daughters grow into emotionally healthy and capable adults. At the same time, women will encourage loving and lifelong connections with their daughters.
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Our feelings of hate are often 'forbidden' - i.e. incompatible with our self-image. If we are unable to confront and transform our malicious feelings, we repress or disown them. Feelings that are disowned in this way seem to go away, but actually they lurk in our subconscious and become attached (experienced) in our perceptions and analyses of others. Psychologists call this "projection". Projecting our disowned feelings onto others results in "demonisation" - seeing people as (even) worse than they are. We then attack the demons we have created and a vicious cycle may be set up of attack and counter-attack (warfare), involving escalating levels of projection on both sides.

CONFLICT & HATE

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Living with Hate!

That Sunflower Within

Beauty in Wholeness